Essay on Gain

I think we, as humans, tend to forget how we are our own characters. Nowadays, many of the people around us strive to be the same. But one if the inevitable fallacies of human nature is how different each and every one of us is. Yes, we all look different, physically. We can all dress different, and walk different, and talk different, but we all know that it’s the soul, that defines our uniqueness.

With that being said, the divine gift of being our own selves can have many benefits to the inner soul. The skills that intrigue us create talent, and passion.  As we age, we gain experience of many varieties. Surrounding ourselves with positive people gains personal relationships. These are all general examples of gains that many of us experience in everyday life, which should be a given.

Many writers, including myself, enjoy expressing how these feelings connect to the everyday world, because the average reader can connect with the emotions displayed. But I am a firm believer that there is more to gain from the bad. I also there is not as many books, poems, essay, articles, that display that. That’s a shame since the other spectrum of human nature is tragedy.

I’ve read many pieces regarding more negative elements of humanity, myself included. There are many brave authors who discuss their hardships. For many, it can be helpful to discuss personal losses, traumatic events,  and catastrophic circumstances. They bring in to life, whether it be a text, the big screen or through other means. I do heavily believe that it is essential for people to experience the feelings of others through those times, and that many lessons can be learned. But I believe there is a lack of positive feedback being given.

It is easy to be empathetic, to feel pity for others in situations the other person cannot imagine. But just like the other roles of human nature, there is so much to gain, and not much is being talked regarding it. The moments are always pivotal for well-developed sharing story, but what about the after-effects?

I know when a person dies, it’s quite difficult to cope with such a loss. People experience these types of travesties in a myriad of ways. I’ve had friends share with me their personal experiences, and how hard it was, and how painful it was. But none of the stories that have been shared with me have had gains discussed. It was when I replied with positivity, that they had felt better, whether it be for that moment, or forevermore.

So many strength is developed when you overcome a loss.

So much wisdom is taught when you experience something new.

Confidence grows when you outgrow your fears.

It’s a negative-positive reaction, essentially.

I understand that attempting to “make” someone feel better is not going to change the situation at all. It will always remain unforgotten. That shouldn’t be anyone’s intention.

But to bestow different perspectives onto someone, whether it’s agreeable or not, ever-lasting, or just a thought, is a bestowment that is more meaningful than any type of physical gift through a terrible situation. Maybe someone has to tell you that, or you need to figure it out yourself, but there is always some form of gain through a decline.

The beauty of it all is how this happens in so many shapes and forms. We see it with our own eyes, hear it form the surrounding conversations, we develop it through the reflections of how others act, but not much is said. It’s very hard to say. Because it’s seen but not seen as the same, or as a sequence, but as a phenomenon.

Maybe we’re all not as appreciative, no one is truly swimming through the same wavelength. But gain is a fallacy and justifiable arc of being human.

You know, this was actually intended to be an Essay on Loss. I was going to share some of the personal objects, tangible and intangible, of which I have lost, and how it has affected me and others throughout the years. But we all know, that bad involves bad. And we have all lost something, a person, a home, a teddy bear, a love. It’s a repeating horn. I say this a lot to the people, it’s important to think through different perspectives. Not everybody can see good through a bad periscope, but it can change you. It took me years to realize this, but I am very fortunate that I gained this particular sense of wisdom so I could share with you.

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Essay on Pacing

We were told as babies to take little steps. Pivotal progressions require big steps. Your dreams may require multiple steps. A split second decision may require just one step. The unknown calls for an unknown amount of steps. The inevitable may ask for steps you don’t wish you to take. Everything in life requires a varying amount of steps; but to measure life, we cannot use steps. We use what we’ve learned. The steps use us.

Growing up, I thought I had my entire life planned out. I won’t go into details of what the agenda was, but I timed myself to achieve particular accomplishments, that I would ultimately lead me to a perfect life. That fantasy was shattered when an unexpected chain of events occurred, causing me to change my game plan.

Yeah, I was scared. I was barely an adult getting wounded on the spontaneous battlefield. That’s what happens when you’re accustomed to having only one outlook on life. Maybe it was the school system. Maybe it was my family. Maybe I spoiled myself with too much hope. Whatever the cause was, human life is much too fast to only see from one perspective. Otherwise, we would all have the same story.

Now, that doesn’t mean those time-allotted goals I had in mind won’t ever happen. They’ve never left my mind. To be frank, you learn a lot from the things you never knew. A series of unfortunate sorrows taught me that I cannot plan everything. Life is never that meticulous, no matter how hard you try. I’m sure everyone who reads this attempted to pursue something, and then something got in the way. A setback but possibly a blessing in disguise. Now, after thinking about that, I bet there was an unexpecting moment in your life that lead to a result in a victory. It’s like a revolving door. You can’t avoid it, but you never know what lies beyond.

We aren’t given maps as kids that lead us to where we want to be when we’re old. Such things don’t exist. Life is a blank canvas. The only deadline we have is when we exhale our last breath; and even then, we never know when that’s going to be. I believe that’s one of the most beautiful aspects of being alive. People can tell us how long we have to accomplish something, but it’s ultimately up to you. The beauty is that no one really knows the answer to anything. I also believe that is something all of us forget from time to time. Others can instill rules upon you, but it’s all figurative. The ultimate sovereignty is your own being.

The problem with this jurisdiction we have is how difficult it can be to control. We rush what we really want, a shiny new toy, a romance, a guilty pleasure. We delay what makes us worried, the larger at-the-moment responsibilities. It happens every day. Just like chocolate, when we eat too much too soon, we get sick. Forgetting the chocolate, and neglecting to eat it, results in melting. That’s why pacing is so important, and how we truly do have control. It’s a better long-term outcome to not rush the wants, and to prioritize the alarms. Absorbing the enjoyments, and organizing the necessities

We will never be aware of how many years we have on Earth, and we will never know what tomorrow brings. How we utilize that time, feel that time, and treasure that time, is what that truly matters.

An Essay About Feelings

I wanted to do something a little different. A piece of my own voice. I am the author, and also the speaker. I want to get a little bit more personal and write something more literal for a change.

If you actively read my work, then you know how it’s almost exclusively poetry. I take pride in that. Poetry has been a passion of mine since I was 10. I am now 21, and I never thought I would be capable of writing every day, and having the blessed audience that I have from all over the world read my work as often as they do. I am forever grateful for that.

Usually, my poems are based off of how I feel at that particular moment, or from something that occurred, or based off of what someone said. To be practical though, they’re all merely fragments of a mosaic of how I am feeling. Never have I written an entire picture, just jigsaw puzzle pieces.

And thus lies the inspiration for this little experiment I’m doing. I believe it’s part of human nature to have moments where our emotions can physically weigh us down. We don’t come with instruction manuals, what do we do? From my experience, it’s not good to hold it in. There have been times where I’ve woken up from 12+ hours of sleep, or not even a full hour. I’ve been stressed to points where I’ve gotten chronic stomach pains. I know others who have suffered far worse and to each their own accord. The point is, it’s beneficial to detoxify and cleanse the soul. So I am going to do just that, through the means of an essay.

No this isn’t FDA approved. I didn’t do any scientific research in my secret laboratory. There are, of course, situations where you may need to talk to a professional for specific circumstances. But as trials and tribulations get to us in life, I feel as though this can be a helpful exercise for those overwhelmed. And no, this isn’t my best writing work, but be assured this is from the heart. I want to be as real as possible like I’m talking to all of you in the flesh.

Some of this may be relatable to you, and there are probably some of you who cannot relate to any of the coming details I’m going to mention. That’s okay. I am not looking for people to say ‘I can relate to this completely, thank you for this.’ I’d rather each of you be motivated, inspired, whatever you want to call it, to not let the bad get so attached to you. My goal is just to help someone, even the very slightest, vaguest way… at least.

I feel empowered. Never before in my life have I felt so proud to be a woman. Growing up, I always thought it was so hard. Thinking I had to try to please everyone. I thought if I never attempted to look good, no man would ever love me. If I complained about how painful my periods are every month, then I’m not “womaning” right. Then, I bought a highly pigmented berry liquid lipstick, a flattering lace thong, just for me, and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Red Velvet Cake ice cream and had the epiphany; It’s all you, sweetheart. You don’t necessarily have to buy things for yourself, but that moment when I was 18, having ended an abusive relationship, and going out and getting something for me, and doing something that made ME happy, for ME, it’s all about you. You can’t break up with yourself, whether you like it or not. You are your best partner. You can impress yourself, trust yourself, even make love to yourself, better than any man/woman/person, whoever you’re attracted to. And yes, being in love can be great, but you can’t see it the right way if you don’t realize how much you are worth. I’m far from perfect, but I know a few great things I can do off the top of my head. I hope you do too. Those few things are already enough to know that you are a catch, a trophy, and should be treated as such.

I feel overwhelmed. Change has always been my biggest fear, but without it, then what is living? You can’t write a story without a conflict, there wouldn’t be a plot. The point is, you’re going to get curveballs no matter how hard you try to swing at them. Not all of them, but most of them, are going to be bad too. We all have unwanted luggage that we have to bring. I lost my mom when I was 18. I don’t really know where my real dad is right now. I spent days not knowing where I would sleep the next night. We all have battle wounds that may or may not be able to be seen. But if you take the next few seconds to look at yourself, then you realize you made it to right now, and for that, you should be proud. But the future is always depicted as the scary guy. Yeah, there’s a lot of things I’m worried about. Will I be writing in the same place a year from now? Will I still talk to the same people who I talked to today, in the coming years? Will there be tragedy, catastrophe, luck? I don’t know is a scary answer, but do you want to look back on your deathbed when you’re older and regret all the stress you had worried about what had yet to come? I don’t think so. It’s impossible to be completely at ease. Our bodies don’t get second chances, so we must take care of it first. Stress kills. Time is relative. A day at a time A moment at a time. A breath at a time, is all I can really say.

I feel alone. I’m surrounded by people all the time, at home, at work. But sometimes it is solely up to me to solve my own problems. I know I’m not the only one like this. You have people on standby, who will listen to you if you ask them. But if you’re like me, you can be passive, and lack the courage at times to be your own ruler to your throne. Yes, I’ve kept my mouth shut from people for fear that I could be bothering their own time. I soon learned how that’s the gateway to a hell that’s hard to get out of. You weren’t made from yourself. You aren’t alone. There are 7 billion+ people that are walking around this ground. I can guarantee at least one person will talk to you. If not, you forgot to turn your windshield wipers off.

I feel confident. My biggest battle so far on this Earth. We all have flaws. If not, it would be like that Twilight Zone episode where everyone is the same. And that’s a scarier scenario than this, trust me. But yeah, I have imperfections. My teeth aren’t perfectly straight. My ribs are wide. I have hair where I don’t want it. But that’s human. And if you think someone isn’t going to like you based off of physical anomalies, then get the hell out of that rabbit hole, because that’s not where you belong. And yes, I’ve been treated like a subordinate cut of meat and not a person. I’ve been bullied, and I’ve been harassed. I was told at age 13 by a girl that if she ever had to wake up as me, she would just kill herself instantly. And about a year ago at work, a woman sexually harassed me saying I, “have big tits for a white girl, and ain’t even that fat, but [my] ass is, god damn.” Not to mention all of the revved-up Honda Civic engines and catcalls I’ve gotten over the years. I also think it’s human nature to have to succumb unwanted attention and claims. But it’s how you embrace it that makes it all the world. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve had more fun with it, because I realize how much little I have to lose. Yeah, my teeth aren’t perfectly aligned, but some of the best paintings don’t have straight lines either. And yeah, my butt may be big, but everyone else is just jealous that they can’t “tap” it. Or they’re jealous because I could totally kick their butt (pun intended) at a twerking competition if I really had to partake against my own will. You just got to add humor to the flame. It waters it down. Laughter is the best medicine, anyway.

I feel grown. I guess writing all of this shows my improvements. But I’ve told many people that age isn’t determined by time, but by experiences. It’s always the little improvements that make you the proudest too. Like simply just getting out of bed, for some. For instance, I am now free-spirited enough where I can sing with my boyfriend, a milestone I never thought I would be able to do with someone. It’s the smaller accomplishments that are the most personal, and the most personal ones, always have the most meaning to us. So I congratulate you if you too sang songs with your significant other, or ate breakfast this morning, went to the gym this week, or even smiled. Because it is never a bad idea to show off your successes no matter how little they are.

I hope this helps you in a way that can benefit your wellbeing, whether from something mentioned, or the sole purpose of this itself. Life’s too delicate for our hearts and minds to conflict each other.

Month Update

Hi everyone,

A month ago today, I began the process of writing and posting poetry daily. I’m usually not the most motivating person and I didn’t think I would get this far without stopping. Honestly, I would not have if it weren’t for you. 

Everyday I see people from all corners of the world reading my work. As of today I have 46 followers. Although that may not be a lot for some, that’s 46 more people that I wouldn’t have expected to follow my stories. And for that I’m so grateful. 

I am my hardest critic. You folks provide me the fun and pleasure that writing poetry was meant to give me. I’m far from stopping. More to come in the future for sure. But I think it’s important to reminiscence why I continue to do this. 
Sometimes it’s hard. I work one and maybe soon, two jobs. I have a big family, a boyfriend. But I always prioritize and making sure I write something everyday. Some things I’m not the most proud of, but I can go back and say I did it. Some things I wasn’t fond of, but some of those pieces ended up being my most popular. I am working on being more confident in my work. 

Wherever you guys are reading this, I hope you have a great day/night. And I hope somewhere in my site, you can find motivation to write something yourself.

XX,

Lexi 

First Week Thank You

Hey folks,

I started this blog a week ago, and honestly, I didn’t expect it to go anywhere.

I’ve been committed myself strongly to writing every day and posting at least one of my poems.

I didn’t expect anyone to actually read them.

For those who did, I want to say thank you, and thank you to the followers I have already gotten. I had really low expectations I suppose. But you were one of the reasons I have been working on this so much.

I just wanted to take time to say these things, because it has been heavy on my mind. It’s so surreal seeing people from different parts of the world taking a minute or two from their day to read something you wrote. I appreciate it immensely.

Peaceful dreams,

Lexi

Welcome – First Blog Post

Hey folks,

I’m a twenty-something year-old New Englander who’s trying to enhance her passion.

I started writing frequently when I was ten. My grandmother, a life mentor, a genuine, kind women with a heart like a vase of flowers, had died. My mother, for reasons I will never know, encouraged me to write something in her honor.

I wrote a poem with a lot of nature and personification. the whole room was shaken up, but I don’t know if it was how i presented it, my words, or the fact that I was a kid. Yet, I’ll never forget that day. I’ve been writing ever since.

My main focus is poetry. I enjoy expressing feelings onto paper and words becoming an art form. the possibilities are infinite.

I would like to make poetry more of a practice and not just a boring unit in grade school English classes. Poetry can be therapeutic for people, like myself.

I made this to not only just post my work, but to hopefully influence some of you and create your own craft. Maybe my words can somehow affect you in a way no one, or nothing else can.

Peaceful dreams,

Alexandra

 

 

 

 

 

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